I was on holiday in Manila for two weeks last month. And since coming back, I have to admit I haven’t been as motivated to go back to studying.

Before the holiday, I was already yue lai yue lan (getting more and more lazy) and really hoped a break would motivate me to study harder again like I did in the first semester, when everything was novel and exciting and oh so cool! 

It didn’t happen.

Ok, that’s not true. I’m proud of the fact that while I was in Manila, I managed to have 2 classes over Skype with my lao shi just so I could get some practice speaking. And yes, I did bring all my books and managed to read some chapters. I even had a short course in diving terms from a Chinese dive instructor in Puerto Galera and learned the words for dive gear, mask, fins, tank and dive site. Hen bu cuo…

However, after coming back to Beijing, I had all sorts of excuses to not study again.

First, there was my so-called ‘post holiday blues’… or that strange phase where you can’t quite get your energy levels and your body into full work mode again, especially if the holiday was extremely great (which it was for me :P).

Then, there was the sudden mountain of work I had to do for LtL: website text revisions, brochures, posters, etc. So I kept putting studying off in order to start “working” on these things. I had to admit during that time, doing them was more enjoyable than studying Mandarin. 

Of course it didn’t help that my qi zhong kao shi (midterm exam) grades were not too bad, even with the significantly less effort I have been putting in all semester. 

I eventually stopped feeling guilty and beating myself up over my disappearing enthusiasm for studying. I realized, it will happen to all of us at some point. We get bored, tired and think we can just coast along, satisfied with the progress we have already made.

But then, you get a wake-up call. It could be anywhere from being unable to tell the bagger at the supermarket how big a plastic bag you need, or not knowing how to ask the waitress at McDonald’s for mayonnaise (it’s either dan huang jiang or ji jiang… we’re not really sure). And then your guilt gets replaced by frustration and the competitive juices that kick back in. 

At least that’s what happened to me. 

I’m down to my last two weeks of full studying before our qi mo kao shi (final exams) on the last week of June – first week of July. I can’t believe it’s almost over. So I’ve started making the most of my time in class again, and after to review lessons. Even if only bit by bit and not a whole six hours like I used to do last semester, rewriting notes and everything. Now, I just try to review the new vocabulary and memorize as much as I can.

I’ve also started chatting up my dumpling vendors across the street since I’ve been buying breakfast there every morning before class. Last Monday I asked them for tips for traveling around Hangzhou as they are both natives of that city. And last week I hung out for around 20 minutes with my bike doctor as he tightened up the brakes on my bike. It’s pretty cool now that my topics of conversation have moved from studying Chinese and the weather, to traveling and asking the bike shi fu a little bit about his hopes and dreams for the future…

Because the truth beneath it all is – I really do like learning and studying Mandarin. And lately, I have been developing the ‘intuition’ for it, especially when it comes to grammar structure and expressions. And that’s always encouraging.

Bottom line is, if you really love something (or someone), you’ll find ways to get that ‘spark’ back. Even if it means forcing yourself to do even as little as one homework a day – at least it’s something. Because when you really enjoy it, you’ll eventually gravitate back towards it. And the little things you do to ‘get back on the horse’ will gain momentum and the next thing you know, you’re speeding up learning once again.

So yeah, the ‘dark days’ will come. ‘Burn out’ will happen, just like with any job or relationship. There will be peaks and troughs, highs and lows. What’s important is to fight through your own negativity, keep your eyes on the prize and remember the love for learning that brought you here in the first place. 

Giddyup!